Fear of Failure

Who made up the word "FEAR"? because it is one heck of a word, worse then monsters under my bed. Fear goes beyond the feeling of a racing heart before you jump out of a perfectly flying plane to sky dive (yes I have done it) or sweaty palms when you are about to speak in public. Fear is this misleading, self sabotaging, evil villain that resides in us, literally blocking us from doing what we passionately crave. I am talking about our BIG dreams, visions and "I wish I can do that". Well, why do we not do it? then the flood of words come pouring in "I am not good enough", "I am not smart enough" [insert as many unrealistic thoughts, words or lifeless adjectives here] Then every so often you come across some amazing stories of your average Joe or Jane who went from Zero to 100. What is it about them, that differs them from us? I am sure its not their hair, their skin color, or perhaps their lack of professional education. They were able to see beyond their own FEAR. It's as they conquered the first level of Mario Bros Dragon (I have just revealed my age haha) and I am sure along their journey they moved on to the next level facing the "fear dragon" again. The damn dragon is always there, no matter how many obstacles we feel we have already faced and conquered.  It keeps showing up. No matter how deep of a meditation practice I feel I may have, it shows up, the only difference I feel is that I am aware that its just that "fear." So I take a deep breathe and acknowledge presence, but do not allow him/her/it to disturb my path. Fighting it takes a lot of mental energy, its as though I need to sit in a pool of self sabotaging words, one in which I rather not dive in. I bring awareness to the negativity creeping in and re-shift my perspective and focus on my vision, my dreams or whatever I may be pursuing, perhaps its just to simply have a good day. Once you begin to take the steps towards it, surpassing "fear", your are then faced with "what if I fail?" Well, what if you did not fall before you walked, what if you did not check under your beds for monsters, what if you did not hold your nose when you began to learn to swim. We would still be crawling, we would fear sleep or be rocking our floaties at the pool. Its a rite of passage, going beyond what we are comfortable doing to experience the freedom that lives on the other side of fear. 

Ill share my own intimate story of "fear of failure". For those who have been following along on my open life journey. I have come to a crossroads in my life, an opportunity to follow my passions intertwined with love. I have let go of my own self built foundations in exchange to construct a new foundation with someone I love. To let go of a secure career as a nurse to pursue the unknown.  I have a vision, I have dreams (and when I dream, its in full vibrant colors), but as I stare at this big empty space and look down at all the scrap pieces of notes I have collected from my dreams (its like those 2000+ mini puzzles scattered all over the floor)  This small voice deep within begins to infiltrate itself bringing me self-doubt. Who am I to create this? What if no one shows up? I am not good enough? and all of a sudden I am held captive in whirlwind of negativity, destructing my own visions. 

I am ready to create this path and surrender my expectations. To focus on the process and journey and allow my visions and dream to unfold. I am going to slay any "fears" that decide to enter my space. I will honor their presence and rather then allow it to inhibit my path, I will choose for it to propel and fuel my energy.  This can only lead for a stronger foundation and value to my visions. 

Lets slay our "Fear Dragons" 

Gypsy Nai